The following is a journal entry I scribbled down when we first arrived to Cambodia. Looking back on this, it feels even more real now….enjoy….
Dive in.
That was the little phrase I felt the Lord gave me at the end of 2016 for this year. Last year was about healing adventures and this year is about diving deep in to a few things, instead of wide.
The funny thing is I have always been afraid of diving. I grew up going to my grandparent’s pool and had some painful lessons about diving–there is always a risk of a severe (and humiliating) belly flop. One summer day, my growth-spurting middle-school awkward self dove in that lovely pool and you guessed it, belly flopped…hard. It hurt so much that I just held my breath and let myself sink with plans to rest until I couldn’t hold my breath any longer and then come to the surface. Well, the plan was interrupted when my dad, two uncles, and grandfather jumped in to rescue me, because unknownst to me, the world above water, unaware of my agony, thought I was drowning. Nope. Just in pain.
I came up more humiliated and feeling slightly guilty for causing such drama, but also thankful for this German and Italian family of mine. And of course in the midst of those emotions, I was yes, still red and aching.
Anywho, fast forward a few years and I became a life guard. You know what’s required as a life guard? Diving. So I am capable of diving, and I would to save a life, but diving is still not my favorite.
Now, about an hour ago (from the time of this journal entry). I sat down to spend some time with our Father. I was unable to express in words, spoken or written, the emotions that were entangled inside from this slightly major life transition. So, I sang. I sang loud for only God, my puppy Chippy, and me to hear (hopefully). I sang to Him praises full of gratitude and about His love and power. And as I just dove into praise He faithfully unknotted my knot of emotions and in turn gave me peace and clarity. I continued by reading Matthew 10, which happens to be about sacrifice. Then I read in the gospel of Mark where Jesus says “wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world” the testimony of Mary’s sacrifice out of love for Jesus “will be told in memory of her.” And the Lord reminded me of His call to dive in deep to His purposes for us this year.
Let’s face it. Diving unapologetically requires you to leave all and risk all to be immersed in a world you weren’t meant to breathe in. So here we are—having left all and risking all, and more if He asked—immersed in a world we were not raised to live in. If we try to do this life without Him, we will end up drowning and not even realize until we can’t recognize what true life in Him looks like. The joy (I imagine) of diving is sacrificing one’s grounding in order to momentarily experience a world other than our own. In Christ, we sacrifice so that we might gain, know, and experience Him.
Every day there are opportunities here in Cambodia, but as we settle, there is more and more of an obvious need to breath God’s breathe and not our own, least we drown or build our own house without His foundation. The more and more I learn to breath His breathe, I am overwhelmed by His creativity, majesty, and incomprehensible peace and wisdom. I must admit, I am learning to embrace a love for diving in.
Blessings <3
